Traumatic events do not have to be extraordinary or rare – it is that they are so overwhelming when they do happen, it disturbs the deep emotional core of our being. Every trauma involves suffering, and in most cases there is no heroic story to tell.
When a “shock” is experienced, sometimes people feel completely helpless; all they can do is experience the shock. Some even experience PTSD, others develop depression or anxiety. The more you attempt to suppress your symptoms, the worse you are likely to feel. Denying or invalidating the idea that the way your feel is a normal reaction to what you have experienced will only make you feel worse. There are no shoulds and should nots when it comes to experiencing emotions. Furthermore, because of your disposition to be so in touch with the deep inner aspects of yourself, you are probably more sensitive than the average person when it comes to perceiving personal inadequacies.
Talk about your grief and release all the memories, anger, and unfairness associated with the loss with a professional therapist. It is not easy to re-open unhealed wounds, but understanding and working through your experience is necessary to manage your future feelings and behaviors. Investing in therapy can help you to find alternative ways to manage negative emotional states. Your energies will eventually refocus on a new path of self-development. Never underestimate the resilience of the human mind. It enables us to emerge from trauma fundamentally changed for the better, in previously unimaginable ways.